Now I've been on more dates than I'd like to admit over the past few years, some great, some pretty dire! Either way they never really seem to work out and I wasn't sure why (apart from some men just being idiots!)
But then my friend told me about a dating advice book that her friend swears by, and how her friend always had boyfriends/men chasing after her. She then bought this book for herself and for me, and it has totally changed our outlook on dating! We found out just how many times we had gone wrong, and broken 'the rules'!
Now you can get a pretty good idea of what the rules are just by reading the names of some of the chapters....for example:
- Don't talk to a man first (and don't ask him to dance)
- Don't stare at men or talk too much
- Don't meet him halfway or go dutch on a date
- Don't call him and rarely return his calls
- Always end phone calls first
- Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday
- Always end the date first
- Don't see him more than once or twice a week
- No more than kissing on the first date
- Don't rush into sex
- Don't open up too fast
- Be honest but mysterious
Now the main message of this book is a simple one: 'play hard to get'. I always wondered if playing hard to get was the best thing to do when you like someone, and now I really believe it is. Men love a challenge - it's human nature and instinct - which is why this book claims that the rules work on ALL men.
Some of the book is a bit cringey. It is written by 2 American woman and they say some funny things which are quite entertaining. It starts off by telling you to 'be a creature unlike any other', but this basically means that you need to be different from other girls. You never chase men. You're mysterious and you leave them wanting more after a date. You're happy and busy all the time. You're a challenge.
Have you ever found that when you first meet a guy who is interested in you, he acts really keen at first, always texting you and asking you out? At first you're not so sure about him and don't act that keen. But then you give him a chance, go on a date or two and start to like him more? Then as you become more keen, does he then get LESS keen? It's because you are no longer a challenge to him. Once he knows that you are really into him and will drop everything to see him, he will become bored. He will want a new challenge and look elsewhere. I find this has happened with me many times in the past. I start to text him more, sometimes first, I think about him all the time and make sure I'm always available to see him. Then gradually he loses interest and stops messaging me. The challenge and excitement has been lost.
Now I'm sure there are exceptions - I'm sure there are some men who don't like playing the whole dating game and fall in love with you from the start. But for the reality of my life and many of my friends, and especially these days where texting and internet dating has made it so easy for men to talk to women, the rules are really important for making you stand out from the rest and to find a successful relationship.
This book was a No.1 New York Times Bestseller and a dating philosophy based on the authors' own experiences and those of thousands of women who contacted them. So there must be some truth in it, no matter how extreme some of the rules are. The rules are often hard, sometimes you want to message or see a guy so much, but it always pays off if you act cool and keep them waiting. You need to let them miss you. Let them think about you and agonise over why they haven't heard from you.
Ever complained why the guys you don't fancy are so keen on you and keep asking you out? It's because by ignoring them you're doing the rules on them without even realising, and making them want you even more! I've been doing these rules for a few weeks now with a guy and I can see that when I don't reply to a text for ages he is instantly more keen, sometimes messaging me again before I've even replied.
You can buy this book really cheap off Amazon (what have you got to lose - if you don't like it/agree with it, it's still quite funny to read!).
What do you think of these 'rules'? What dating experiences have you had? Do you think playing hard to get works or did you not have to play any games before you got into a relationship?
What do you think of these 'rules'? What dating experiences have you had? Do you think playing hard to get works or did you not have to play any games before you got into a relationship?
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